Defying Gravity

My Future is Unlimited...

Well that was a thing.


There is a very good reason I'm a hermit and don't open up to folks. :( I always say the wrong things. I feel so stupid right now.

Tomorrow will be better but right now I'm sad. I feel hurt and betrayed and like I will never fit in anywhere ever.

I suck. :(

Life is the Messy Bits
I've had a lot on my mind the last few weeks.

Negative stuff found hereCollapse )

I've been applying for work but as with anything its an apply then wait for them to get back to you process. I'm still volunteering but I had to take a few mental health days to recuperate from everything. I'm getting back into the swing of things slowly. I've got plans to do a training and this time I'm breaking things down to smaller and manageable chunks.

Life will get better. It always does. Its just I've been hit with a lot lately. I've just got to be gentle with myself and keep moving forward.

I had a dream I was working on a scroll and people hated it but kept wanting me to work on it. They critiqued me and offered suggestions that did more to fluster me than anything and then just when it got to a point where I was done with it and the negative comments went away. It went blank.

I suppose its a metaphor for life. You work hard and you do your best but the challenges will always keep coming. And often we think we are worse than we are.

I just have to keep moving forward.

Time for a little cheering up! :D
This makes me happy. :)

Waking up is hard to do.
Action Awsome!
So my to do list is getting done and this is helping me get through the last batch of final assignments. Of course I'm slacking by writing here instead of working on them but its my early morning so I'm allowed plus I've already made my phone calls for the day.  I'm feeling accomplished and that is a good thing. :) Not much to write about at the moment. I'm trying to avoid griping about stuff because it doesn't fix anything and just puts me in a grumpy mood to think about what isn't getting done.

Semester recap
Well the semester is over. The roomate is gone and a new one has moved in. The one good thing about having this blog is it gives me a place to talk about things. I know I don't use it as much as I used to and I know that I've not created things as I used to do but there is a reason for that.

Every time I found myself thinking "I should go make something." the little reality bug went off in my head going "Do not start something new till you finish the old." when you have online classes its really hard to know when to shut that mindset off. I'd be doing something fun and my brain would go "Ohhh!! I can do this with my slideshow!" or "I could work on this here." in short I felt guilty for not working.

I'm not even sure if that made sense. I mean my brain works a bit oddly. Usually I have something going on in the background to help stimulate my thoughts on a subconscious level when I write and it works. This semester...the old roommate was just in my business and critiquing me (okay, critiquing is too polite a word CRITICIZING is the proper word.). Nothing blows my focus more than being compared and found lacking by a slacker. The girl got a 2.5 gpa and thought it was okay to criticize my methods. Um lets look at this...I have a 3.57 GPA  you have a 2.5 WHO is slacking here???

I continued to truck along doing my own thing and in spite of having a professor that never gave feedback (or listed grades) I did amazingly well. I passed my internship and I got a B in a management class that was so boring I wanted to fall asleep through it. I did  it. I resisted the urge to not do homework and I busted my tail. Heck the reason its taken me so long is my body is recovering from old roomate moving out and graduating. I've had folks crashing at my place ever since we left and while they are helpful I'm thinking I need some me time at home or just change things up and invite over friends that have not visited in a while.

Life is still going good.

I got back from my internship and now need to focus on my Mid program reflection. Its not hard I just need to sit down and focus my thoughts on it. I should have it by tomorrow. I'm thinking I'll head over to the main library super early, grab breakfast and work on it before I check in for work.

Note to self bring flashdrive tomorrow.

Of course the joy of working in the library is I get to check out books and movies. The movies are what have my interest at the moment. I'm catching all the titles I didn't get to see because I've been working and just generally not had the time. I've taken to watching Victorian ,mellow dramas like Wuthering Heights and Stephen Sondhiem's Passion as well as a concert version of Sweeney Todd with George Hearn and Patti LePone. This weeks offerings are Charles Dickens Bleak House. Slum Dog Millionaire and something set in the Regency time period.

Did my nails and will be relaxing today now that homework is done. :) 

Life is good.
I' still alive and well. I've gotten over the cold that hit everyone at my place and I survived the holidays. I'm doing alright and I'm in my final year of Graduate school. I'm doing really well so far and been busy with my internship.

Life I've had my ups and my downs but I didn't really want to post about my downs because it was just something that needed to be worked through and wasn't anything anyone else could fix. I'm also trying to be more positive and upbeat so posting about the bad stuff just seemed counter intuitive for that.

I went and had lunch with hamner last week and it was good to catch up although one half hour seems far to short. I figure we'll grab lunch periodically and catch up. It was nice to see him in any case. :)

I've been trying to eat healthier and so far I think I'm doing well. Haven't seen any real changes yet though I do have to say I look and feel less bloated so I'm going to keep on keeping on. The food is healthy and we're cutting out a lot of processed foods so I figure its a good start.

My internship is going well. I help out at the Joel D. Valdez Main Library and the staff there is very nice. I also ran into kassy there and its really good to see her.  We don't chat much because we are busy but we laugh and it  does feel good knowing I know someone there. :) So all good things happening in my life right now and more to come in the future.

Action Awsome!
So I got my internship paperwork filled finally. I got hit with 2 colds back to back and they knocked me flat (Thank you roomate, Not!). I had to get 2 extensions because between scheduling between me and the person in change of the internship it was hard as hell to get transportation settled. Finally forced myself to go early in the morning to get the paperwork in on time. I impressed my adviser who saw that I was still recovering from being sick and was a lot more understanding of the extensions being needed.

I'll be training folks in how to use assistive technologies.That and working the front desk. It should prove interesting. I'd post more but I'm just exhausted right now. Printer went out and took hours to correct and of course it goes out when I actually need to do something important. So yeah got 2 hours of sleep last night and a nap today. I'll be going to bed early I think to let my body just recover.

Busy busy
So its been a long while since I wrote here but that's okay. I was busy with the semester and the time just flew. I did get myself back on track with therapy and next week will be going to it. I would have gone sooner but finals and the creeping crud just had me too busy. I managed to work on my finals with a fever and the crud and I am sure that I could have done better but that's okay. I was sick and not much to be done. 

I did get to spend time with spunkybluegrl and we enjoyed my roommate's birthday party. Much fun was had even if the party was large and a bit overwhelming. Methinks the roommate is going to have smaller parties as even she was feeling overwhelmed by the end of the night.

I had to put Kiernan down in September. He got sick and it was time to say goodbye. He lived a good life and his brother died almost a month to the day later. We knew this was coming as neither cat was doing well but it was still hard. I'll be inheriting Rue in very short order due to changing circumstances but that is okay. Life is good if a bit busy and I'm okay with that as well.

So its been a long time since I last posted here but there is a good reason for that. I wanted to be settled in and moved and I've been trying not to be so negative in my post as I tend to be. Life is going well all considered. Nothing so epic is going on and for that I am grateful. I'm half way through my degree in Library Science and have a 3.60 which for grad school is pretty good in my opinion. I've just been getting settled in and relaxing as best I can and have taken a break on a lot of things that were more stress than they were worth.

In other news the doctor finally got me on proper meds for my allergy related asthma. f'm no longer wheezing and having difficulty breathing as much. I do have the occassional cough but its not the gut wretching one that knocked me on my ass. My weight is still something I am struggling with but I am slowly trying to work on that and hope to get a new elliptical to work out with so I can get back in shape from all the semesters of online classes.

I've been working on my writing and taking easy and that is not a bad thing in my opinion. I think I'm doing well as far as things go.


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